Angels Are Everywhere

Yesterday my children lost their father. There is no way I can take away their pain. If only I could, but I don’t know how.

Grief takes many forms, one of which is guilt. We ask ourselves, “Could I have said or done something differently? Could I have been more kind? Could I have said I love you more often?”

These are the kinds of questions that go through the mind right after the loss of someone you love. It happens.

At all times, but especially at a time of loss, angels step in, bringing us reminders that love is everywhere. They can take the form of friends, acquaintances, even strangers. Even in the form of grocery store clerks.

I went to pick up some food yesterday for us, in an attempt to make sure my kids kept their energy up. It’s a Mom thing I guess. While in one of the aisles, a young clerk came up to me and asked if he could help me find anything. When he saw the tears in my eyes, without hesitating he asked if I needed a hug. All I could do was nod my head. He hugged me.

At that moment, I was reminded that there are angels everywhere.

Rest in peace, Stephen. If you and I did nothing more, we brought two wonderful human beings into the world together. I know that you will find ways to look after them from the other side and I will do it from this one.

Circle of Friends

My circle of friends is small but tight. I value their love, their wit, their charm, their brutal honesty, their opinions, and so much more.

Acquaintances come and go and there’s value in that as well. But true friends are so rare. You know. The ones you see after time has passed and yet it feels like you haven’t missed a beat at all when you reunite.

My circle became smaller today and my heart is breaking. My only, and I mean only, consolation is that I know she is now a Guardian Angel. Keeping watch over us. Cheering us on. Laughing with us. Dancing with us. Singing with us.

We are not promised tomorrow. Live today.

Be good to yourself and each other. Namaste’

Misc

I’ve taken some of my images and played today. Included in this collage is my granddaughter sipping on some Hawaiian ice in Honolulu, a flower from my garden in memory of those killed in the 9-11 attacks, an old Chevy truck on Alcatraz in San Franciso, our dog Foxy, who went to the Rainbow Bridge in 2013, and Daisy sniffing my tulip arrangement. 

Say a prayer today for the loved ones of the 9-11 victims, whose lives were inflicted with unfathomable pain. Hug every member of your family and remind them how much you love them. 

Be good to yourself and each other. Namaste’

 

Loss

Back in the 70’s, my Uncle encouraged me to buy an SLR film camera. With his help, I purchased a Pentax K1000. Wow! It was slick (at that time) but I didn’t know jack squat about that kind of camera. It was completely manual; no automatic settings at all. I was used to using a Fuji point and shoot 🙂

Well … long story short, he took me under his wing and taught me about focus, depth of field, shutter speed, natural light, bounce flash, and composition. Pretty much everything I needed to know. He had been a photo journalist for the Omaha World Herald newspaper and I really enjoyed looking through his collection of articles and images.

Soon after I got that camera, we went on a trip to Hearst Castle in San Simeon, CA. We had such a good time, taking pictures all over the place, including sitting on the beach at sunset, capturing images of waves crashing on the rocks. Between the two of us, I think we shot 25 or 30 rolls of film.

He taught me so much and I’ll miss him and his encouragement. He passed away a few days ago. He was 86 and lived a great life, but losing him leaves another hole in my heart. My consolation is knowing that he’s now with my Mom, his big sister. They we so close. Now they are again.

R.I.P.

Be good to yourself and each other. Namaste’

 

Staying Balanced

I just got back from the most wonderful trip to see my grandson graduate from high school. We are all so proud of the fine young man that he is. And even though he’s now out of school, has a job, and is over six feet tall, he’s still my “Blakester.” And he still calls me Grammy. 🙂

On another note, I learned that a very dear friend of mine has breast cancer and I am heartbroken.  We met when I lost my brother and I joined a grief support group sponsored by the hospice he was in. She and four others in the group had lost their spouses, so the six of us shared a common bond of grief and loss. That was almost five years ago and we have stayed fast friends ever since. We all helped each other learn new coping skills through our willingness to open up about our pain.

This news hit me rather hard. I don’t want to lose my dear friend and confidante. We can talk about anything and she is the kind of person that tells it like it is, yet she tempers it with love and respect.

It’s hard sometimes to stay balanced between the highs and lows of this duality we call life. I will try my best to focus on the positive of this experience and show my friend that she is not alone in this part of her journey. She’s a scrapper so I’m visualizing her being healthy again and beating the hell out of the big “C.”

Today’s image is one that I did for the #pixlr contest called Fan Art. The pink Cadillac image is part of a mural that I found in a little diner in Creswell, OR. And of course, who doesn’t know Marilyn Monroe?

Namaste’

A New Star in the Night Sky

Part of the grief process for me is writing, so I am posting this today for my own catharsis.

When my brother passed away a few years ago, it just so happened that five of my closest friends were with me at my home for our annual reunion.  I was surrounded by so much love, it’s hard to describe.  So I’ll just say that it was very powerful.  I truly believe that he waited to pass until they all arrived.  One of them took me outside that night, just her and me. She pointed to a star in the sky and told me that it was him, shimmering up there to let me know he was alright now.

As of early this morning there is a new star in the sky.  His youngest daughter, Lisa, passed away, making her transition to the spiritual realms.  Now she is with both of her dads … her heavenly father and her earthly one.  No more pain or suffering for her.  Only for those she left behind.  My heart goes out to her mother and her two brothers and sister.

She will be ever so missed, but I will look up tonight into the night sky and I KNOW I will find two stars very close together, winking down at me, letting me know that they are both safe and happy.  Namaste’

The Rainbow Bridge

Our beloved Foxy went to the Rainbow Bridge on the day after Thanksgiving, so it truly was a hard day for us.  We miss our faithful friend and we thank her for all of the unconditional love she gave us for nine years.  We will always hold on to the awesome times we had with her.

That is all.  Namaste’

Thank You, Mr. President

Any of us that are old enough to have lived when President Kennedy was murdered remember exactly where we were on that day.

I was a freshman in high school.  An all girl Catholic high school.  I was just finishing up my English class and we were all getting our homework assignments before going to lunch.  Our teacher was called from the classroom and, when she came back, she was sobbing.  Through her tears, she explained to us what had happened and I remember being in shock.  We didn’t know how to process this kind of thing.  We were the innocents; the youth of America.  And we were profoundly saddened.

John F. Kennedy was a great man and gave our country so much.  Thank you, Mr. President.

Please feel free to comment; share your memories of that day.  Namaste’

Missing My Brother

Dear Mike,

You left us this day three years ago but time hasn’t dulled the memories I have of you.  I miss you.

I’m grateful for the good times we had, so I’m sure you can understand why I swear at you sometimes for checking out so soon.  Namaste’

To the Families …

Instead of the post I had planned for today, I bought a bouquet of flowers in honor of the Aurora CO victims and their families.

I will pray for your family during this difficult time.  I will ask God to give you comfort, strength, and peace.